Essays

Homesick

Who am I? I have always asked often as I layed in bed and had nothing else to do but be a slave to my thoughts. The room was painted blue by the paleness of the moonlight. Why am I here? I used to ask the empty room expecting someone to answer or something divine to answer. Deep inside me a signal would send out waves of energy, a feeling vibrated through my body. Like tree roots deeply seeded into my spiritual consciousness. Why was I born?

I was thrown out into a mission and forced to be reborn into this world. A spiritual reconnaissance. A schism that shot through my being like lightning dividing celestial parts of me. My Pleadian soul molding itself to fit the human vessel, the painful fleshy constriction that was limiting and felt disparagingly. What is my purpose? I asked the moon? 

As I gazed at the night sky as my heart burst into flames with feelings I would never be able to describe in human words. Who am I? I would ask the moon. Home is with you isn’t it? Can you guide me mother? I am lost.

I needed to be vulnerable to the stars, to the energy that I felt. I needed to feel the nurturing magic from the moon. From the earth. From the animals.

I gazed at Orion’s belt, home, the three bright beautiful stars, the shackles and chains of my silver cord vibrated through me as I felt a tug in my being for home. I was home sick.

My time here living as a human felt inauthentic as I hid several parts of me to the world so as not to scare anyone.

I could hear and see things beyond this earthly plain. It was scary at times and I tried so hard to push it away. To deny the fact that I was a tool like a phone used to communicate by other beings, well into my adolescence I confined such feelings away but every time I tried the truth just oozed its way out. A bird in a cage within my own potential, locked away.

I could not deny the dreams that were more than dreams but divine missions. I was doing my lightwork, saving myself and others not only in spiritual realms but on this earthly plane people always swarmed around me for my light, my love, my healing. They needed to ascend and use me as a pillar. A beacon of hope. A golden hand that would help lift you onto your path and purpose and I gladly took those who needed healing and guidance under my white wing. But light attracts darkness as I have had to wrestle my way out. Like moths to a flame I have attracted unwanted beings. As confusion set in and my life fogged up and was consumed by depression. The more I lied to myself the darker and more dangerous my path became. As the voices became scarier and the energy in my home became heavier. Even my mother  felt it and it seems ever so often a dark visitor would pass through my home. Through my low vibrations and unfilled self was what was letting these beings slip through the cracks. 

“You need a blue crystal,” a shaman told me. My throat chakra was blocked, he said. “You have lost your way. Don’t be afraid to use your gifts.” His words scared me because he was right. For years I had suppressed my natural spiritual gift of foresight. I had rejected and ran away from being able to see spirits or hear them. It is not a fun and easy path. But I could no longer deny myself and keep myself from developing and growing into who I really am. My authentic self. “I keep dreaming about water,” I told him. “But in these dreams I am not human.” Through magic and sacred knowledge he tapped into other planes and dimensions. “You are a Pleiadian child. You are from a water world and you are a warrior who reincarnated here. You are on a mission.” As I smiled I felt love and understanding. Everything made sense to me and everytime I dreamed of this water world I was ethereal. A beautiful crown on my head. I had jewels and cuffs on my body that glistened like fresh diamonds. Love radiating off my celestial skin. I was the galaxy because the galaxy was within me and I was here to serve her, to protect her, to do anything for her. 

It was this moment where I found clarity and purpose again. To accept who I am, embrace being human now and use my unearthly gifts to protect, love and offer an abundance of light to those who need it.

After embracing my mission, to heal, guide and help I have liberated myself. I have ascended into a higher calling. Helping and spreading high vibrations everywhere I go. As stray sick animals and people with injured souls come into my life I get the feeling that they too understand that I am a being that can help lead the way and walk with you on your journey so you don’t get lost as a traveler. I am here to help those around me ascend so high into a place darkness cannot touch. It is a place of unearthly love, peace and safety. 

A bright hand that reaches out to catch you when you’re falling into a pit of darkness, I am here to catch you and embrace you like the womb embraced us in our mothers belly. An astronomical divine cradle surrounded by a sea of stardust. I will embrace you and assure you that you are a divine creature. 

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