Magia is living breathing particles of lights that exist in our blood that has been able to break reality with unexplainable events that only happen in books or in one’s wild imagination. Like when a rose grows from concrete or putting emotion while making food so much so one can experience this emotion by consuming the food. The unspoken magic that has lived in the women and mujeres in my family for generations and generations but always hidden under the rug and hushed for so many years, the thoughts of women having magic has been labeled as shamefulness and evil harmful energy in my lineage and our culture. I daydream and place myself by their side’s when they were performing magic and did not even realize the enchantment they were creating. The story of my great grandmother Abuelita Paula goes, she had the calling to love so intensely even when her and her abuelito lived in separate houses (to add to the drama he moved next door) because he moved in with the neighbor he had been seeing secretly. My abuelita Paula had a heart of gold and light which she was able to love even at the ugliest parts of life. Or when my great-great abuelita Piña and her mother were taken by a brujo who was in love with her and put her under a spell. My abuelita Piña’s mother, acting under the control of her brujo lover, then decided to tie her to a tree in the middle of the woods to leave her to die from being eaten by coyotes and remove her existence from the world. The unknown mystical tale goes that Santo Niño de Atocha appeared to her and set her free from the tree she was bound to. Words were not exchanged nor is this fantastical tale ever shared within my family. I do not understand why because this was a milargo that blessed our family. What if my great great abuelita Piña had not been set free? What if she was eaten by the coyotes and changed the will of generations to come after? I wonder how the feeling of being tied up by your mother or the bewilderment she felt as a young child when she saw this glorious vision. These untold tales of magic that lives in my family are ancient wisdom and should be treated sacredly. I then reflect on my life now and ponder: am I worthy enough to embody their miracles like in these magic fables or ready to experience this fasinationation of magia that lies in my tribe’s divine femininity? To experience familia magic fantasy in my waking reality, am I really ready for this embodiment? What if they wanted to experience this dream on their own accord?
Thinking about my family’s divinity and the feeling of being caged not being able to say their truths that they experienced in narratives like my abuelita’s . My abuelitas and great- abuelitas’ choices were not presented to them for them to choose how and when they wanted to live. It was taken away without permission. The choice of love: how love was stolen by Thieves in the Temple, without anyone ever knowing what their heart’s desire was and share their magic they had swirling within them freely (Nelson, Prince. “Thieves in the Temple. Prince.com. https://discography.prince.com/albums/graffiti-bridge ) . They never really had the options 2 explore their dreams; yes, they were hard working for a better life for their family and had the power of manifestation in their souls but given never given the green on top, the cream of the crop. They were short changed, a forced sense of settling. They were stifled because of the patriarchy that continues in the mundo and my family. It was violation, stolen, and invasion of their choices and their truths. Sexual trauma and abuse that lies deep in our familial roots, so hidden and buried It infects our bloodline, our divine sacred feminine in my family. They had no chance or space to share their deepest heart’s desires or tap into their own magic. They were not able 2 shine or allow their passions to flow from within. Their souls’ light was blown out like a candle without even thought. The longing to let their magic wild and free like a butterfly kissing every flower they land on. I float away thoughts about where they are in my life right now, how do they gently shake their presence in my moments of life. It is when my divine within shines through my actions and words and love. The inherently natural way my hips sway when I walk, when I bleed during my moon cycle in honor of my womb, or the softness when I become attuned with my intuition. It is moments like this when I am embodying the divine feminine magnetism that lies in my stars. It is gentle moments when I am taken away by magic that lives in my blood specifically within my lineage of women who proceeded me. My ancestors have seen me at my highest as high as the sun and lowest like deep slumber. My darkest, my brightest, my most vulnerable and raw.I think about how my ancestors, present and past, have been with me in some form all my life, mostly spiritual. I have always found my words and thoughts 2 be divinely guided by their love and words. Abuelia Paola, Nana, Abuelita Maria, Lilith, my snake baby, my greatgrandmothers, my Nana, My mama gila, my mom, my sister, my aunts, my cousins, and my soul sisters, Pachamama, Mother Mary, and Mama Luna. I carry them in life everyday as ethereal creatures whom love and watch over me. The way they are me, I am them. I honor them as they honor me. I do for them as they do for me.
My existence, the words I say and write. The way I dress, the way I stand up for myself or for what is right, the unapologetic truth that I speak, the wild way I am uncovering my spirituality through magic and setting the wild woman free. The way I dream is for them. This is my way of setting them free to be their remarkable selves anywhere they are right now . For the mujeres in mi famila que nuca tienen opportunidades en sus vidas. The gifts I offer is reclaiming, resiliency, y revolution. My life of living my truth is my true gift. Rewriting our family narrative and taking pride in all of the dark and light in the soil that has allowed our family to flourish for years and years. To reclaim the woman’s intuitive gifts that exist, the power 2 manifest love, the power of the pain from which we rise from. I am trailing along a new path that was unfinished from my ancestors. When I just give it all I have, when I am so me – that is how i show them I love them and am grateful for them. Thanking them for the legacy they left, and them sharing their energy right now make me feel so humbled. It turns me into a little girl sitting at my nana’s house, soaking up the smells of quesadillas and wisdom of my nana. It gives me the confidence to take on the world, to twirl and be whimsical, 2 B full of wonder and all things that don’t make sense at the time because why not! Not too grow up so fast the way they had to, take time for myself and to create the life that I envision. Taking time for myself is the time I am showing pride in being a woman and honoring their souls. Holding pride in being a mujer, not my own pride but theirs. Our power together, nostorous ganas being a mujer. Haciendo cosas que son de otra planeta. Cosas que no tienes sentido, para vivir solamente con amor y que yo vivo en ellas siempre. They were caged so early in their lives. They are all beautiful but told not to show it off to the world out of fear and jealousy. Here is where I declare freedom in being women to show that beauty, that wild streak in their hearts, the magia, and simply them even in the afterlife. They were so fiery, loved hard, and full of life happening to them instead of life happening for them. But, somewhere along the way, they were captured, locked away and told exactly what and how to say manipulated words, and no questions or push back was forbidden. They simply had to surrender their power as a mujer.
This is where the enslavement ends and liberation shines. It ends and begins with me.
I am the key to their freedom to live liberated y con amor. Their presence in my life and the closeness I feel with them everyday is my answer. It’s been my answer to my question all along, its lied in my past. Are you ready? They have been declaring to me, “Si, mija. You are ready.”