The Way I Used To Be, a novel written by Amber Smith, follows a young girl Eden throughout her highschool years. Smith writes about the realistic aftereffects of sexual trauma on a teenage girl. Eden is only a freshman when her own brothers best friend comes into her room one night and rapes her. His name is Kevin Armstrong, he was a victim himself when he was younger. This does not excuse his actions, however this can be seen as a reason he may have thought he could get away with hurting people, including his own sister. Eden’s world was flipped upside down the night of the incident. She turned into someone not even she herself recognized. Eden describes her body as a “..torture chamber. It’s a fucking crime scene.”(pg.109) She used alcohol and sexual activities with the boys at her school to drown out her trauma. The trauma that she tries to bury so deep only hurts her relationships with her friends, family and even new love interests. Throughout the book, Eden is this victim who seeks a savior to pull the words from her mouth that she so desperately needs to confess. It is to the near ending that she realizes she has to be her own hero and see that she is not just a victim, but in fact a survivor.
The book itself depicts some raw emotions a survivor of sexual assault and rape might go through. It is all about surviving after enduring a trauma that will ultimately affect the survivor the rest of their lives. If not physically, then through building relationships with others, learning to trust people again and allowing them to get close to you. Speaking up is crucial and not every victim is able to get the words out and live with themselves in the end. The silence only gives the attacker more power to continue, however this may not always be the case with our unfair justice system. Once more, the novel is also crushing these narratives that those who are attacked usually do not know their assailant. In fact, 8 out of 10 sexual violence victims know their perpetrator. After all this being said, if you or someone you know need to speak with someone regarding Rape, Abuse and Incest you may call 1-800-656-HOPE or visit their website rainn.org for a confidential and secure support system.
