i feel you getting closer
a blaze of hot breath
the stickiness of your skin
your pungent cologne
you pull me closer
my stomach is curdling
panties ripped off viciously
the primitive nature of "man."
screeching
nothing comes out
"you're so tight."
hands wrapped around my throat
thrusting harder and harder
disappearing into obscurity
i'm nothing
an orifice
seated on the toilet
one hand with the stick under
two lines
it's positive
impromptu
cold, uninviting, medical-grade steel
legs spread open
i breathe for the first time
insurmountable torment
i can't do it.
augmented stomach and breasts
the bassinet rocking aimlessly
mounds of diapers
awaiting your arrival
a wail of inconceivable agony
i weep and weep, but no one hears
voiceless
i watch my baby sleep
take their first steps
learn to speak
eyes fixated down below
i never got to be a mother.
I chose to create a poem that touches on how “pro-choice” excludes Women of Color. There is a distinct separation between “pro-choice” and reproductive justice. Pro-choice caters to privileged individuals who have the ability to make a choice. Marginalized communities are disenfranchised and do not have those same options, whether it be not enough clinics in an area, lack of accessible options, expensive costs, etc. Within the inaccessibility to “choice,” there is also an issue of medical racism, where WOC’s pain and concerns are not taken seriously.
The poem starts with a Woman of Color engaging in sexual relations with a man. Off the bat, she is overstimulated with the bodily smells and, by the queasiness of her stomach, knows she is uncomfortable and doesn’t want to have sex. Visibly uneasy, she is unable to verbalize her feelings as he’s already taken off her underwear and begun penetration. She inexplicity states that she’s “nothing” more than a hole for men’s disposal. To her shock, she finds out she’s pregnant. Knowing that she’s not ready for motherhood, she heads to the clinic to get an abortion. Becoming one with the sterile and lifeless atmosphere of the clinic, she’s unable to go through with the abortion and changes her mind. She states, “I breathe for the first time,” alluding to her clarity and deep desire to become a mother. Her body physically changes, and she waits in anticipation for the birth of her child. While giving birth, she pleas her concerns and pain to the doctors, but it all goes unnoticed and unheard. She watches her baby accomplish their first milestones, sorrowful as she will not get to raise her child, as she died in childbirth.