When I was between 9-18 years old, I was part of an after school program where I was taught ballet and modern. When I was on the dance floor, it was when I felt grounded in myself and free from all the worries I faced as young brown girl, first generation Mexican, and feeling like the world rested on my shoulders. Through dance, I gained confidence, embraced abs expressed myself in diverse ways, and it was my sacred space to be me. This piece is a thank you to dance and how it supported me through my formative years and beyond. It was and remains my joyful space.
Now I See, Now I believe
All this time never knowing
Everything I ever needed
Was inside me all along
All the love and acceptance
Now I see, Now I believe
Harsh words from the outside
Self doubt overwhelming
Kept in the shame
Felt alone and frustrated
Now I see, Now I believe
Years in the dark
Like a seed underground
Struggling, fighting,
Determined to push through
Now I see, Now I believe
Blooming into to a new me
Remembering how it used to be
Before I lost this pure love
So in love and happy
Now I see, Now I believe
Reclaiming my power
Knowing my worth
Feeling my body,
Loving my mind,
Connecting with My soul
Now I see, Now I believe
“Shadow Work” is about accepting the fact that we all have light and dark, that we must work through it, but that we must unpack what we believe our shortcomings are. Are the feelings of shame, failures, insecurities really our shadow, or are they the thread of colonialism woven so tight and for so long that the only way to see and love our true selves is to unravel… break apart… see the beauty in light and dark, in order to blossom and transform?
Being my authentic self in academia has been challenging, filled with code switching and imposter syndrome because the direct and implicit message was that I did not belong. As I reclaim my power, I embrace the true me and assert why I must continue to take up space… nails and all.
